Khutbah - The Muslim Family: From the rights of the husband

Friday Khutbah (September 17, 2004) delivered by Shaykh Muhammad Taher

The marital relationship, if it is established on good, strong foundations, on love and mutual understanding, on what Allah and His Messenger loves (peace be upon him), on the principles and morals of Islam, both partners will be happy and experience stability, and their children will be good and righteous.

Oh Brothers in Faith:

We have learnt that the relationship between a husband and wife will never be healthy and sound, free from corruption, and grief and embitterment, unless the house of the marriage is under the shade of love and mercy, when the companionship between husband and wife persists in love and mercy and good will, and when both partners know the right of one over the other, and the duties each one has towards the other.

We have already mentioned, last Friday, some of the marital rights, namely the rights of the wife over her husband, which included:

That the husband pay the wife her dowry in full (and no-one has the right to take from it without her permission), that he spend on her from his own wealth, that he teach her the requirements of her religion, that he be vigilant in protecting her religion and honour, with wisdom and fairness. He must be sweet and kind to her, happy to be with her. It is her right that he recognizes that she will make mistakes and therefore he should forgive her. He must not divulge her secrets. He must live with her in kindness and goodwill. He must protect her from what is unlawful, by beautifying himself and adorn himself for her, as he would like her to do the same for him. And remember, brother, what the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The best of you are the best of you towards your women, and I am the best of you towards my women.”

Today, we call on the wives to know the rights that their husbands have over them, the rights that are obliged over them by legislation, that rights that will bring about love and mercy in your selves and your hearts, oh wives.

From the rights of the husband:

Obedience in goodness is the first of the husband’s rights. What is meant by goodness is what the Sacred Law has established and permitted, as our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to something created in disobedience to the Creator.” Also: “Nobody is obeyed in disobedience to Allah. Obedience is only in goodness.” And another narration: “The woman does not obey her husband in disobedience.” I.e., she does not obey her husband in what Allah has prohibited.

Allah says: “And women have rights similar to those of men, in kindness (maruf), and men have a degree over them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.” (2:228) Allah also says: “Men are the protectors of women, because of what Allah has given the one more than the other, and because of what they spend from their wealth.” (4:34) In the first ayah we see that Allah has given the husband a degree over his wife, and this degree is one of leading and administering the family. In the second ayah we read that Allah has given men the right of guardianship, or protection. This means he has the authority over the affairs of the household, but this authority must be in justice and wisdom, and tyrannical or oppressive. This is for two main reasons:

The first is the psychological make-up of the man. Allah created the man to be more prudent and rational, and he is more exposed to the affairs of life than the woman. There are also other matters that make the man’s guardianship a responsibility and a duty, not an honour or a bestowing of power over the weak ones of the family.

The second reason is that the husband spends on his wife, and this includes her dowry and whatever else is in the contract, in addition to providing a place to live, clothes, food, drink, and so forth.

There must be obedience in goodness, because the husband is the lord of his family, and is responsible for the affairs of managing the family and leading it. He takes care of the interests of the family, bringing about happiness and serenity and doing what is necessary to protect his family from corruption and tribulation and other evils of the age. The husband strives, with great effort, to ensure that his family has security, stability, and tranquillity, and many other things, many of which require that the wife be obedient to her husband, and that the children be obedient to both their mother and father. The fruit of this obedience is the Pleasure and Blessings of Allah. There is a narration stating: “The father is the middle door to Paradise.” Another one states: “Paradise is under the feet of the mothers.”

Oh sister in Islam, by obeying your husband your will bring about much benefit and goodness and put off much harm and evil. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obey her husband, she will enter Paradise.”

There are many other narrations that encourage the wife to obey her husband in kindness (maruf). It is sufficient, for honour and dignity, to raise your status, oh wife, that you incline to use intellect and wisdom and good manner, and thereby obtain the pleasure of Allah.

1. That the wife takes care of the house, to keep it orderly, to clean it, and prepare the food (as is the custom), to protect her husband’s property, to spread peace and happiness in the house, and to not give anything of her husband’s property without his permission. The woman is the caretaker of her husband’s house; this is her responsibility. She is trusted with her husband’s property, and she is not allowed to spend out from it, even for charity, without his permission. A righteous woman is the one who pleases her husband when he looks at her, obeys him when he asks for something, and if he is absent she guards herself and his property.
2. Another right is that the wife does not fast a day or more without her husband’s permission, but this clearly does include obligatory fasts.
3. That the wife spreads tranquillity and harmony in the house, that she prefers him over everything else, and she protects it from the unlawful, by beautifying herself for him to best of her ability and allowing him to enjoy what he is permitted of her person. We know from the hadith that if a man invites his wife to bed and she refuses the angels curse her until the morning.
4. She must respect and consider his feelings. She must abstain from what upsets him, by word, deed or character. She must also respect and consider his financial and social circumstances.
5. She must not leave her husband’s house without his clear consent and permission. She must not display her beauty to foreign men, so that his heart can be still and at ease.
6. The wife must expend her efforts in performing her religious obligations, learning what is required of the religion, and being diligent with her husband and children. This will bring about the pleasure of Allah and His forgiveness. It is upon the wife to have a clear vision in mind when she carries out these responsibilities: She must seek the help of Allah in fulfilling all that is connected to her husband. If she remembers that Allah helps those who are obedient, than fulfilling these responsibilities becomes easier. What also concerns you, oh wife, is that you know that your doing of all this is not part of fulfilling your obligation to your husband (keeping up your side of the contract), but rather it is part of seeking the pleasure of Allah, and this will increase you in obeying your husband and fulfilling your duties towards him. Try to read the stories of the female companions and the woman of the salaf, or the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him). These women are the standard and example for you.

Oh Husbands and Wives:

Have taqwa of Allah in your relationship. Establish it with rights and don’t destroy it with disobedience. Do all that Allah has commanded you do to, regarding your lifelong companion and partner. Remember, women have rights similar to those of men, in kindness, and men have a degree over them. This is a ruling. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “You have rights over you woman, and they have rights over you.” This is a foundation.

You must also be aware, that whoever seeks a lifelong companion that is free of any fault or error will be searching for something that is extremely rare, or impossible to find. The Prophet said (peace be upon him): “The believing man does not hate the believing woman. If he dislikes something from her something else from her will please him."

Oh Muslims:

We love to see in a Muslim family that is sound and healthy: The woman raising and educating her children, being well-organized, gentle, possessing intelligence, wisdom, compassion. The woman has taqwa of Allah in fulfilling the right of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him), and the right of her husband, her lifelong partner, and the rights of her children, protecting them with affection and gentleness, raising them with wisdom and good manners. The woman stands by her husband, helping him in the trials and difficulties of life. She stands by him, protecting their house and family.

Likewise, we love to see the master of the Muslim family, fearing Allah regarding his family, providing for them from what is halal and good, and keeping them away from what is unlawful and odious, so that their bodies don’t become composed of it. He continuously leads the ship of married life to the shores of security, serenity, peace and happiness, seeking the aid and help of Allah, and obtaining the pleasure of Allah.

We want the husband to be kind, caring and affectionate towards the woman he has chosen to spend his life with, the mother of his children. He should care for her and love her, with his strength and wisdom, and at all times be a teacher and guide for his family, setting the example in all that is good and honourable.

This is how we would love to see the Muslim family, and it’s not impossible. With a little bit of intelligence and wisdom, a lot of taqwa of Allah, and with a big amount of justice and fairness, all decorated with love, mercy and affection, and mutual understanding, we will see great results; Muslim families that are sound, healthy, strong and harmonious, in sha Allah.

“Our Lord, grant us from our wives and offspring the pleasure of our eyes, and make us leaders for the righteous.”

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